♛ starshine.

t h e r e m i n i s c e n t s t a r - -
v2.o -star.

Sunday, May 30, 2004

you can't just pretend to be nice.

ha. first of all. before i even START. i think this song speaks best. =)

"Blurry"

Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
there's noone left that's real
to make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i will save you
from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

[Chorus]

Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you when to runaway
nobody told you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you when to runaway

[Chorus]

This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away...
This pain you gave to me
You take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me

its kinda contradicting for me to be typing such an ~~angry?~~ entry today. nah. scratch that. i'm not angry. i'm. disappointed. disgusted. upset. at how fake the people around me can be. yeah. after. all.. shannon's one month old today. congrats to my baby.. cousin. decided not to use THAT word. its case-sensitive. HA.

i came across something. that just.. shook me awake. yeah. i guess. maybe i'm THAT naive. i thought. you're over it. guess i was wrong. yeah. like i told you before. you've got all the right to hate me. i ain't gonna blame you. but. why put on a false front in front of me? like. okay. if you're not over it. i understand. i just.. sigh.

yeah. maybe i'm right. i shouldn't have came back in the first place. note :: i'm not saying i regret being in this relationship with him. i'm just saying that cos i guess i pretty much screwed up YOUR LIFE ever since i returned. alrights. back to the topic. yeah. lets update the reasons-to-hate-me list shall we? firstly. i STOLE your memories. well. i'm taking it word for word. but.. ~~haveyouforgottenthatiwasoncepartofthatmemorytoo?howwouldihaveknownallofthatifiwasn't?~~ alrights. what kinda shit am i talking about. the word is. WAS. so i've got no right to even THINK about it. lets not get to the remiscising part of it yeah. which means the part when we were talking about the old place on the train was WRONG. i SHOULDN'T even TALK or even THINK about it. its alright. i understand. ha. maybe i should ERASE them? =) alrights. so much for point ONE only. you can see how detestable i am already. hooray. point two. your FRIENDS. your close relationship with you-know-who. and stuffs like that. i shall not elaborate. somehow i'm too exasperated to do so. point three. i stole the guy of your dreams? ha. okay. forgive me if i sound like a total bitch here. cause i am. take me as i am. or stay the hell away from me. don't be like sucha peachie sweet good GIRL buddy in front of me and bitch behind my back. =) point four. like i already said. i'm a bitch. so? i don't care. =) point 5. i have a terrible temper. haha. yeah. who would wanna stay friends with someone like me? =) *smiles yet again. point 6. i poke my nose around other people's business too much. they get irritated with me. haha. being irritated is an understatement. see? i can just read your mind. =) blahs. this list could go on till tomorrow. sighs. see how damn detestable i am? hip hip hooray. byebye world and hello isolation. =)

"From The Inside"

I don’t know who to trust no surprise
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies
(Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit)
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
(All I ever think about is this)
(All the tiring time between)
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)

[Chorus]
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you

Tension is building inside steadily
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me
(Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit)
(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)
(All I ever think about is this)
(All the tiring time between)
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me)

[Chorus]
Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you

I won’t waste myself on you
You
You
Waste myself on you
You
You

I’ll take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you

Everything from the inside and just throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you
You
You

am i over reacting? maybe i am. am i NOT supposed to over react? i don't think so. its only HUMANE to do so. ha. wait. hold on for a sec. am i even CONSIDERED as a human? lol. whoops. left out the point that a BITCH = a female DOG. =) *smiles.

maybe this is how the world works. yeah. now i know why some people trust nobody at all. now i know why everyone's keeping stuffs to themselves. now i know why the family is falling apart. screw this world. ild rather die than live another minute in it. but can i possibly die an instant death right now? no i can't. ha. so too bad. you people have got to deal with my existence. like it or not. =)

ha. these past week has only done one thing. enlightened me on how UGLY this world can be. how REAL everything is. there ain't time for no day dreamers. nor fantasies. it won't tolerate any nonsense. yeah. i can't even think straight. forget it. i'm out. and once again? byebyeworldandhelloISOLATION. =)

Artist: Half Cocked Lyrics
Song: Bad Reputation Lyrics

[Written by Joan Jett]

I don't give a damn about my reputation
You're living in the past, it's a new generation
Hey, a girl can do what she wants to do
And that's what I'm gonna do

And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me

And I don't give a damn about my reputation
I never said I wanted to improve my station
And I'm only feeling good when I'm having fun
And I don't have to please no one

And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me
Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me

And I don't give a damn about my reputation
I've never been afraid of any deviation
And I don't really care if I'm strange
I ain't gonna change

And I'm never gonna care about my bad reputation
Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me
Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me
Break it down

And I don't give a damn about my reputation
The world's in trouble, there's no communication
And everyone can say what they want to say
It never gets better anyway

So why should I care about a bad reputation, anyway
Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me
Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me

Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me
Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me

evaNEscence rocks. =)

"Breathe No More"

[Piano Solo Opening]

I've been looking in the mirror for so long.
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.
All the little pieces falling, shatter.
Shards of me,
Too sharp to put back together.
Too small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.
If I try to touch her,
And I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no more.

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.
Lie to me,
Convince me that I've been sick forever.
And all of this,
Will make sense when I get better.
But I know the difference,
Between myself and my reflection.
I just can't help but to wonder,
~~Which of us do you love.~~
So I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no...
Bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe,
I breathe-
I breathe no more.

shapeshifter. oh hell. what a faker.

;elysium.
8:35:00 PM